It was at Gatwick Airport some 14 months ago when catching the connecting flight to Glasgow have arrived overnight from Florida. I was tired and jet-lagged and a bit grumpy. I noticed that a new edition of Q was out on the shelf, and I picked it up to have a look at what they had listed as their '50 Ultimate British Songs'.
But before I got to that, I noticed from the index that there was also an in-depth feature on Edwyn Collins, so this was the first thing I turned to. I had a quick glance over it and thought that it would make a great read on the plane north. I stood in the queue (no pun intended) waiting to pay for the magazine, and while I waited for folk to pay for their over-priced chocolate, crisps and confectionery with their bank cards (does no-one use cash at all now??), I had a look at the list.
At which point I put down the magazine and walked away in disgust.
No matter how much I wanted to read the Edwyn piece, there was no way I was parting with my money to pay the wages of a bunch of self-centred tossers who came up with this pish:-
1. Born Slippy - Underworld
2. Shipbuilding - Robert Wyatt
3. Up The Bracket - The Libertines
4. Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush
5. Fix Up, Look Sharp - Dizzee Rascal
6. Who Knows Where The Time Goes? - Fairport Convention
7. God Save The Queen - Sex Pistols
8. Fire - Kasabian
9. English Rose - The Jam
10. Senior Twilight Stock Replacer - The Fall
11. Up The Junction - Squeeze
12. Over - Portishead
13. A New England - Billy Bragg
14. Babies - Pulp
15. In The City - The Jam
16. Sunny Goodge Street - Donovan
17. Disintegration - The Cure
18. Back For Good - Take That
19. My Girl - Madness
20. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
21. Stop That Girl - Vic Godard
22. A Message To You Rudy - The Specials
23. Crying Lightning - Arctic Monkeys
24. Pass Out - Tinie Tempah
25. Cigarettes and Alcohol - Oasis
26. Street Fighting Man - Rolling Stones
27. She Is Beyond Good and Evil - The Pop Group
28. Lipstick Vogue - Elvis Costello & The Attractions
29. Ever Fallen In Love... - Buzzcocks
30. Black Dog - Led Zepellin
31. Oh Bondage Up Yours - X Ray Spex
32. Rehab - Amy Whitehouse
33. Itchycoo Park - The Small Faces
34. Sheila - Jamie T
35. The Boy With The Arab Strap - Belle & Sebastian
36. This Is A Low - Blur
37. A Design For Life - Manic Street Preachers
38. LDN - Lily Allen
39. Teenage Kicks - Undertones
40. Something - The Beatles
41. That's Entertainment - The Jam
42. This Will Be Our Year - The Zombies
43. Alright - Supergrass
44. Waterloo Sunset - The Kinks
45. Bird Flu - M.I.A.
46. Ghost Town - The Specials
47. This Is England - The Clash
48. Animal Nitrate - Suede
49. Song 2 - Blur
50. Stay Too Long - Plan B
I'm not arguing about the quality of most of the songs on this list. But c'mon.....let's be serious....you want 50 ultimate BRITISH songs....and you only have 1 from Scotland, 1 from Wales and 1 from Northern Ireland. Oh and even in terms of the spread of the English contributions, there's an awful big bias in favour of London and the South East.
If this had been the work of a regional publication then I'd have simply shrugged my shoulders and said the writers should get out and about a bit more away from the confines of the M25. But it's supposed to represent the views of a national magazine that has a fair few international readers and subscribers. It is pathetic and hugely insulting.
The inclusion of both English Rose and This Is England give the game away on this list, as do In The City, Sunny Goodge Street, Waterloo Sunset and LDN which are about one particular corner of Britain. It's the tokenistic approach to the other parts of Britain that angered me more than most, and as I say, I haven't bought a music magazine since....and I don't miss them (although I do miss the free CDs!!!)
Hard to believe that even with a strict criteria that the songs had to somehow reflect on Britishness, there was no place for these:-
mp3 : Aztec Camera - Good Morning Britain (live at Ronnie Scott's)
mp3 : Everything But The Girl - Native Land
mp3 : Frank Turner - Thatcher Fucked The Kids
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........
(PS : Been saving this posting for a long long time. That's a year exactly since my best mate died. He thought it was hilarious that I go so angry at a music magazine.....he always enjoyed laughing out loud when the music snob in me came out like that.)
12 comments:
Q exists for one reason only, campaigning for the beatification of that tosser Bonzo. I used to play Bonzo watch, go into Menzies, look through Q and ad another edition to the list that had at least one picture, of the self righteous, tax evading, hat sending first class tosser. They hadn't released anything for like 13 months but had been in every issue.
The only mag I buy is Record Collector.
This petty nationalism gets on my nerves. I looked at the records and thought that one is good, that one isn't. There's some dross there, but not a bad list considering it's Q. It didn't cross my mind to count how many came from Wales or Scotland. It's a music magazine not a geographic one FFS. And no, I'm not English. I'm Welsh.
Sorry if it came across as 'petty nationalism'....believe me applying the word 'nationalist' to me will have certain of my long-time friends howling with laughter.
The point I was trying to get across is that the inclusion of 1 song from each of Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland was tokenistic. There's been so many great songs and bands from those parts of Britian that they surely merited inclusion at, dare I say it, yet another song about London.
When I was at the airport I didnt actually pick up there was only 1 Welsh and I Northern Irish song....I was merely raging at how for example there was nothing from the Postcard era or from any of the acts on Chemikal Underground. The rant was more about the mindset of lazy London based journos who know little from outside their own environment.
OK! Thinking about it, I'm not sure about the choices or what 'ultimate British songs' means here. I can see why, say, God Save The Queen is chosen but not Something by The Beatles. I think it's a truly great song, but I'm not sure what's particularly British about it. When I'm Sixty Four maybe, but not Something!
Any list with Kasabian in it cannot be taken seriously.
Exactly what Swiss Adam said.
And, to be sure, LOLZ..... JC the Nationalist, I assure you, is as likely as JC the Mason Boyne wannabe.
Anyone else remember Robbie Coltrane doing that character on the telly? HILARIOUS.
I feel for you JC - particularly today - missing your old mate.
I must say though, I thought it hilarious too! Tremendous rant. Say what you like our kid. The list is as daft as a brush. Or the journos in the pub who dreamt up the concept are. (davy h and drew coulda conceived a better hand grenade of a discussion .. and taken cover in the snug from the fall-out of comments).
And Yorkshire's representatives in the list barely outnumber the other republics. Am I flippin bovvered, like? Coudn't give a tinker's cuss.
And, as you so vehemently spittled and snotted over the shiny cover with bulging mad eyes and tartan stickered accordion trailing behind you, it should have been 'Ultimate English Songs' - with 'ultimate' other lists over the subsequent months. (At least Lena Zavaroni woulda had a look-in).
Sweet memories of love & laughter mate. Take care old lad.
Aha I just got the title. Nice one.
Read the post a couple of hours ago. Downloaded that Thatcher song to add to my collection (nice one) and then wandered off.
Then just came back to read some comments and it hit me.
Yes I am slow.
I read Q. I don't buy it tho. the bloke down the corridor from me at work subscribes to it and give me each copy when he's finished with it.
I used to be an NME afficionado, but it's not something I'm proud of. Nowadays, if it doesn't have anything about Noel Gallagher or Lady friggin' Gaga in it, they break out in a cold sweat!
I don't read any music mags other than the freebees, and I haven't even looked at a newspaper for years. I get everything I need from t'internet.
By the way, good piece JC. Reminds me of the phrase 'UK Tour' as in "this band has announced a UK tour" which will inevitably only include two London dates, one in Manchester, one in Birmingham and one in Glasgow. At least you get a token Scottish date. The only people who come to Cardiff regularly are fucking Westlife!!!
From my Italian point of you... how can you consider Q a serious music magazine? I bought a couple of issues in late '80s and I didn't understand why monthly British magazine were so bad. Then came Mojo and Uncut followed. Can't you see the BIG difference?
Thank god for The Wire.
Doing the job that NME, Q, Mojo, Uncut et al don't do.
There are those who say it only covers obscure acts- which given that covers have been given to the likes of David Sylvian, PJ Harvey, Battles amongst others is just daft. and they reveiwed singles like 'Crazy' by Gnarls Berkley and 'Umbrella' by Rihanna which were proper pop hits (and deservedly so. It's not about pop vs. indie, it's about good music vs. bad music!)
Hope you're feeling ok, JC. Be good to catch up with you soon, Ed
One Of Those Days In England, Roy Harper.
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