THE SUNDAY CORRESPONDENTS

THAT'S NOT MY NAME

So where to start ? I lay back and pondered exactly what it was that JC expected of me in this first Sunday column. I shut my eyes and wondered……

Was there any point digging out some old Scottish records, when JC does that so much better every other day.

Perhaps I could reminisce about the Goth Wars – the abuse, physical and verbal, that we took in the 80s and all because we dared to back comb our long dark spiky hair, add some eye liner and a bit of lippy, and wear black jeans for months without washing them. Sometimes I look at the designer clad, beautifully made up, teenage modern Goths in Cockburn Street, Edinburgh and think, did I lose my hair for that? But that’s for another day.

Maybe I should just hit shuffle on the ipod and see where that takes us – The Proclaimers as it happens.

And then it started. Not the drill, else I wouldn’t have heard it. No, the dentist was still on the anaesthetic at this point. The moment that inspired, if that’s the appropriate word, this piece was the opening on the radio of a song by Eminem. Don’t ask which one. Don’t know, don’t care.

I don’t like Eminem. I try not to “hate” any musical artiste these days. But I do really, really dislike Eminem’s music. I accept that I may be in a minority. Indeed, one of my pals not only gave birth to Eminem, she ………. okay, let’s rewind, I’m not friends with Eminem’s mother, this friend chose to listen to Eminem while she was giving birth to her son, a son to whom she then gave a middle name in his honour. Fortunately, she didn’t opt for Slim or Shady (though I’m sure there are several out there), but stuck with Marshall.

Marshall Bruce Mathers III was born on 17 October 1972. He has apparently released 28 singles, seven of which went to number 1 in the UK. Since 1999, 5 albums have been bestowed on the world (I’m not counting his earlier effort “Infinite” here, cos very few of his fans will, though I suspect it was his best), four going to number 1 here in the UK. Yawn. Another is expected this year, which doubtless again will bother the top end of the charts. And that’s not to mention the bootlegs and various collaborations he’s been involved in, the films he’s appeared in, and the artists he’s helped launch through his Shady Records label.

The guy’s unquestionably successful, albeit with a few well documented personal problems, and he may well have facilitated the careers of many others and betters (though if all you’re going to offer me is 50 Cent, then don’t bother). I don’t know because I don’t like his music. At all. Amongst thousands of songs I own, he features in exactly none of them. Musically, he is dull, dull, dull and I don’t get why so many of you think he’s so good.

It’s not like I’m one of those “reggae is vile”, don’t get that hippety hop music types. A short spell working in Jamaica, where music is omnipresent even when you’re sitting in an office, just reinforced that there is some great ‘music of black origin’ out there. Jamaican radio proved to me that you can truly take any current song you want and give it a reggae beat (I’m generalising here else we’ll be here all day debating rocksteady v ska v reggae, etc) and often improve on the original.

This isn’t necessarily an example of that. It is just a fine version of a fine song by a man born in Allman Town, Kingston and it seems to fit well with JC’s usual selection of tunes.

mp3 : Horace Andy - Love Hangover

Where was I? Oh yes, Mr Shady. To be clear, I have a heavy dislike for more than just Eminem, and some of it’s even indie shmindie – see Kasabian, Killers, Keane and Kaiser Chiefs as prime examples under K. None of them bothering my headphones I can tell you.

Actually, the truth is that some of my favourite music is rap. I still recall the first time in 1987 that I placed this on my turntable. The needle crackled for real then………

mp3 : Public Enemy - You're Gonna Get Yours

And so it continued. Yo! Bum Rush the Show. Carlton, William, Richard, Norman (and their considerable posse) had produced a classic.

If you’re really sad and want to check it out, then this first song on the album is built around samples of Dennis Coffey and the Detroit Guitar Band’s Getting It On and Super Sporm by Captain Sky. (Ironically M/A/R/R/S Pump Up The Volume and Beastie Boys Egg Man, among others, would subsequently sample this Public Enemy track.)

Up to that point I’d always enjoyed rap from the almost perfect near 15 minutes of Sugarhill Gang's Rapper’s Delight through, to name a few, Grand Masters Flash and Melle Mel, Funky 4+1, Kool Moe Dee, even Blondie’s Rapture and, as JC reminded us not so long ago, Spandau Ballet(!). But this was different. This was special. This ranked alongside first hearings of Anarchy in the UK, Hand in Glove and other life changing moments that I’ll doubtless resort desperately to in weeks to come.

“Yo! Bum Rush the Show” was released in 1987 on Def Jam Recordings (an article in itself). I didn’t grow up anywhere near a ghetto but, boy, could I sense the anger, the pent up frustration finding a release of sorts through a heavy barrage of samples topped by two very different but strangely complementary rappers. This was a rap band exposing its inner soul, its home environment, its politics in a way that I had never experienced before.

I’m not bragging here but most of my friends at the time just didn’t get it. Didn’t see the link back to the Stooges, the New York Dolls, the Sex Pistols……. For me, this was punk for the next generation. Chuck D (D for “Dangerous” allegedly) was the new Rotten and Flavor Flav the new Vicious - black, proud and not afraid to shout about it. Political and social comment never sounded better.

Sadly over the years the quality of the music was to get lost in the fog created by association with the Nation of Islam, the “armed” Security of the First World who accompanied them on stage, the allegations of anti-Semitism, black nationalism, homophobia………. Let’s be honest here, like the Pistols before them, the Man was scared and did everything he could to undermine them.

I’m not going to be an apologist for all that they apparently said and did, but I am going to recommend their music to you. It’s been a long time since they bristled into action and it’s not all perfection. Live they’ve lost much of their focus. But Bring the Noise (with or without Anthrax) and Fight the Power should be in everyone’s music collection. Blistering.

And that brings me back to Eminem. Why would anyone want to waste their hard earned cash on someone who raps, however clever you might find his lyrical wordplay, over the dullest backing tracks known to man? Surely, it says a lot when his best sample gives birth to ………… Dido!! Still, her infinitely more talented brother has made a few bob out of it, so I suppose at least I can thank Marshall Bruce Mathers III for that.

And finally, I know at least one of you is wondering. Do either of my children delight in Flavor Flav or Terminator X as their middle names? The answer you’ll be disappointed to know is no, though each has a name inspired indirectly by songs, one obvious, one less so and, as JC will probably remember, my work colleagues were absolutely convinced that the eldest was to be called Elvis. More fool them, cos had she actually been a boy, he would obviously have had to be an Edwyn…………….

mp3 : Edwyn Collins and Bernard Butler - In A Nutshell

Horace Andy and Public Enemy widely available at very reasonable prices. Ed and Bernie probably less so.

Don’t worry, I’ll be more wilfully obscure next time.

Yeah boyeeee……….

Jacques the Kipper, Sunday 7 February 2010